51 Of our favorite Dad Jokes

We love our fathers just like everyone else, but somehow these dad jokes are just as cringeworthy as when he would say them!

Here are the 51 top dad jokes we could recall:

  1. Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
  2. Dad I’m hungry … “Hi hungry” I’m dad
  3. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
  4. Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
  5. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  6. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
  7. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
  8. “Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.’”
  9. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  10. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
  11. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  12. “I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
  13. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
  14. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  15. “My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
  16. “Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
  17. I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
  18. If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
  19. I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
  20. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  21. How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
  22. “Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
  23. “I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
  24. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
  25. “How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”
  26. Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
  27. “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
  28. The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
  29. I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
  30. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
  31. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
  32. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
  33. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  34. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
  35. Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
  36. What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
  37. What did one snowman say to the other one?  “Do you smell carrots?”
  38. How do you make a tissue dance?  You put a little boogie in it!
  39. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?  It said concentrate!
  40. If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down!
  41. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
  42. Q: How do you organize an outer space party? A: You planet.
  43. Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?A: A waist of time.
  44. What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers
  45. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  46. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  47. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
  48. Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
  49. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”
  50. Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
  51. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.


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